Toxic traits

Guilt

Guilt is the difference between what I did and what I should have done, between what I want to do and what I should do; this feeling that makes us reflect and change erroneous behaviors or attitudes can also be one of the most aggressive or self-destructive feelings a human being can experience, paralyzing the potential we may have; as a result, it is one of the most common ways to manipulate others.

Every human being tries to gain an advantage and make the most of every opportunity, but when obstacles stand in the way of our goals and those close to us make us feel that we lack the ability to achieve them, we can experience this sense of guilt in an exaggerated way, turning it into an emotion that holds us back, plunging us into feelings of self-reproach as if we weren’t worthy of those opportunities, or as if our aspirations were too much for us—like a self-sabotage.

It is a voice that is very difficult to silence, a voice that makes you stop and demands explanations; the problem arises when it becomes constant, rigid, and inflexible, subjecting us to dictates that leave us with only two options: victim or culprit.

Most of the time, it is the faults of others that generate ongoing dissatisfaction, fueled by social expectations and unresolved internal emotions that continue to hold power and significance in our lives.

It is an echo that the first negative thought of the day plants in your mind every morning. That voice tries to take root within you, and you allow it to stay—unless you affirm your determination to be flexible with yourself and understand that perfection does not exist, and even if it did, it would be different for each person.

All human beings have good qualities and others that aren’t so good; however, we need to connect with the good—with the best in ourselves—and move forward.

You can be your own source of toxicity if you obsess over guilt; just be yourself, free yourself from your own guilt and that of others, and start living with conviction—whether your decisions are right or wrong.

Pride

Hubris, vanity, arrogance, conceit, and narcissism are all synonyms for the same word: pride.

A proud person has excessive confidence in themselves, in what they say, what they do, and the decisions they make; everything they do is perfect; they are God, and nothing and no one can contradict them.

Having confidence is good, but placing too much faith in an idea or situation paralyzes any change for the better, so you’re likely to get stuck in a rut. Pride isn’t bad up to a certain point. The problem begins when it becomes excessive. That is the real conflict.

-There are three types of overconfidence:

-Excessive self-esteem: People who believe themselves to be unique, given their excessive self-confidence. People like this don’t have time to stop and think about how they can improve. The proud often end up humiliated, because the more indispensable we feel in certain areas, the more likely it is that someone will come along who does things better than we do and takes the prize.

-Overconfidence in one’s own abilities: There are people who do not accept suggestions or new ideas—people who, once they’ve achieved brilliant results, become complacent and refuse to accept innovative contributions. A person who is unable to analyze their situation and take stock in order to improve will always remain mediocre, and before they know it, someone much better than them will emerge, leaving them to wonder, “What’s going on?”

-Overconfidence in one’s own way of thinking: Pure pride. Those who are always “beyond it all” are the ones who never went anywhere. Pride is like bad breath—everyone notices it except the person who has it. Having confidence in ourselves and in others is good and productive; however, we need to leave room to question, improve, acknowledge mistakes, better ourselves, make room for error, and break free from the stagnation that traps us in a place where nothing new can enter.

From the moment we are able to set aside our pride, we will be ready to move forward; we will have the clarity and flexibility to focus on new goals and achieve each of the dreams we hold for our lives.

Falsehood

Interpersonal intelligence is our ability to understand, among other things, our own limitations and to act on that understanding. This is essential, since the parts of ourselves that we do not understand can become the limiting factor, the restriction, or the barrier that stands in our way.

Who hasn’t worn a mask at some point in their life? We all put on facades so that others won’t recognize us or reject us; masks know no bounds when it comes to people, age, race, or religion.

-Masks of power: Many people wear them simply to meet their basic needs, going to great lengths to convince others of their power by saying, “I’m friends with so-and-so” or “I’m close to the director.”

– Masks of superiority: worn by those who carry their résumés everywhere. They need to impress, prove themselves, and stand out.

– Victim masks: worn by those who never smile, who suffer for everyone and everything. Everything happens to them, and you’ll never be able to match them in misfortune.

We see ourselves as we speak of ourselves and as others speak of us, but day after day, our emotional security ends up turning into insecurities that take hold of our lives and undermine our ability to enjoy ourselves. Insecurity not only hinders our progress toward our goals but also undermines our self-esteem.

Knowing oneself means knowing that there are always new opportunities and possibilities; to be certain of this, we must understand what holds our potential back.

The way we look at ourselves from within will bring us closer to or further from success.

Problems in our relationships with others aren’t usually due to bad luck; the problem may lie within ourselves, because we haven’t put into words what we wanted to reject or accept in our lives.

It is our creativity and willingness that give us confidence. Circumstances may tell us that we are facing many problems, but it is our self-esteem—nurtured by every decision we make each day—that will lead us to success or failure.

It happens that masks end up sticking to our skin, becoming increasingly indispensable. But the reality is that they only serve to convince others of something we don’t feel or believe deep down. We’ve decided not to live behind masks anymore, nor to be seduced by the masks of others.

Mediocrity

One of the things we have lost, in the daily rush to meet the demands placed on us, is the habit of setting aside the time we need to develop our skills and continuously improve.

We humans tend to settle for what we have and cling to the familiar out of fear of losing what we’ve already achieved. Constant dissatisfaction and stress plunge us into depression or frustration; we may question the impossible and fight for a world where everything is impossible.

We need to see ourselves as we really are, not as we imagine ourselves to be.

Sometimes we get used to just getting by without taking risks with new things—with the best that might be within our reach if we dare to break away from old rituals, customs, and outdated paradigms.

Being afraid to take risks and lose is part of our nature. Even those who achieved success felt fear at some point. The difference is that this emotion didn’t stop them or paralyze them. Fear drains you, weakens you, and fills your mind with negativity. If you want or need to move forward “in spite of” it, leave mediocrity behind; along the way, you’ll find the tools to start over whenever you need to.

Don’t look for security or happiness in the wrong places or outside yourself; accept your mistakes. Moving forward requires effort, creativity, and credibility.

Envy

Envy is wanting what someone else has, which means that excellence and success are always plagued by envy. No one envies a wretch or a beggar. People envy achievements, recognition, a home, money, family, a partner, friends…

Many describe “healthy envy” as the emotion that acknowledges that someone else has something they themselves desire but have not yet obtained—something they will do everything in their power to achieve. That kind of envy brings neither pain nor frustration.

However, “morbid envy” causes those who suffer from it to experience constant unease, unhappiness, frustration, and pain because they cannot have what others have achieved, thereby hindering their own ability to take action to transform their present circumstances and turning them into people who are intolerant of others’ success.

Anger, pain, rage, and sadness are feelings that stem from the belief that they have not achieved what they deserve, generating deep rage and a desire for revenge toward the achievements of others.

Envy will try to destroy through persecution, using disparagement, slander, or constant criticism directed at the“envied”person. The person who envies you will always try to find allies: they’ll talk to others to turn them against you, because the envious person can’t stand seeing others succeed when they aren’t part of it. Their motto is, “If I can’t do it, neither can they.”