Don’t let negativity get to you

It’s hard to maintain a sense of balance in today’s world: obligations, work, leisure, family, school… or simply getting along with neighbors—these can all be challenges we face in our daily lives, and they can become the final straws that break the camel’s back.

They’re called criticism, disrespect, hatred, resentment, rushing, feelings of guilt…

To grow and neutralize the negative states that cause us so much chaos and anxiety, we must understand why they occur.

These are familiar situations in which we get tangled up, as if in a spiderweb that won’t let us escape—situations where we’re all unhappy and we’re all to blame. Switch your mind into “problem-solving” mode…

Negative Habits

-Worrying about things you can’t change: Obsessively thinking about what might have happened if you had made one decision or another is a mystery, but learning from your mistakes and trying to do your best next time is a constructive way to move forward.

-Giving up when things get tough: Giving up halfway through a challenge leads to feelings of defeat, while facing difficulties builds confidence—even if success isn’t guaranteed.

-Taking things too seriously: Being able to relax and laugh at yourself and at how absurd life can be will transform the way you view the situations around you.

-Setting impossible goals: The key is to set small goals for ourselves, which will help us feel more motivated. Even cathedrals were built brick by brick.

– Focusing on weaknesses: The key is to take a broad view and assess both weaknesses and strengths.

-Staying only in your comfort zone: It’s easy to want to stay in the safe zone where you feel the least risk. But spending too much time there prevents great things from happening, and “boredom or stagnation” is one of the factors that lead to unhappiness. New experiences can spark new emotions.

-Worrying a lot about what others think

– Justifying yourself for everything: It’s a pipe dream to try to please everyone or make everyone happy—that only happens in the movies. And enough with the justifications, which cause us stress, discomfort, and anxiety—everyone has to deal with their own problems.

We are all responsible for and protective of our freedom; people who tend to delegate their responsibilities or restrict the decisions of others must learn that we are not their doormats.

-Speaking ill of others behind their backs: If you don’t have anything nice to say, just don’t say anything at all.

Negative people bring others down to make themselves feel better.

-Making promises and not keeping them: When under pressure, it’s an easy way out to make promises and not keep them, but this is also a form of lying.

It’s a recurring habit among negative people; it acts like a downward spiral and only creates problems and confusion.

-Being late: It shows a lack of consideration for others. It’s a bad habit that, for some people, becomes the norm because there’s always an excuse.

-Never break your routine or isolate yourself: If taken to extremes, these can make you forget that taking care of yourself is just as important as caring for others. The best way to lift your spirits is to spend time with friends and family.

-Refusing to forgive: Negative feelings tend to be sad and painful; if you weigh the pros and cons, forgiving will free us from the heavy burden of resentment. Be practical—even though forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting.

-“Me first, me second…”: Focusing only on ourselves or our own problems causes us to cut ourselves off from reality and from the wonder of sharing friendship, companionship, and, in many cases, love.

REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE THE WORLD AND THE WORLD IS YOU: The reality we experience often shows us how difficult it is to give others what we do not give ourselves; therefore, knowing how to live in harmony with ourselves and the world around us is not something we are born with—it is something we learn and defend every day.

What is respect?

Respect fundamentally upholds people’s worth and humanity, and we must demand it for ourselves, because a person who is respected can express their opinions and live without fear of criticism or rejection from the social groups with which they interact.

It is an important right, and we must assert it; we must be able to defend ourselves when we recognize that our dignity is being attacked.

We must practice this with others by giving our fellow human beings the opportunity to explain situations or, at the very least, to ascertain the truth of events without being influenced by personal conflicts, criticism, etc… We should not form an impression or judgment of someone based on biased, erroneous, or unsubstantiated opinions or situations.

How to lose respect…

-When you downplay your own needs in order to put others’ needs first:

Learn to value your time, your hobbies, and your opinion. Learn to say NO.

-When others take advantage of you and your time:

Pride and arrogance have nothing to do with putting someone in their place.

“Putting someone in their place” means taking a stand, which means letting others know about situations or comments that you don’t like or won’t tolerate.

If you don’t let them know…most of the time, they won’t be able to guess either. Keep in mind that everyone acts and behaves according to their own set of values, which doesn’t always have to match yours.

Remember that whether others treat you badly or you feel mistreated, that’s not an option.

-When you betray your own values…

It’s not other people who value you, but you yourself; if you don’t feel bad when you go against your own values, maybe you never really had any to begin with.

-When you make excuses for others’ mistreatment:

A good person is good both inside and out and thinks about what they’re going to say before hurting others. Mediocrity, on the other hand, is something else entirely: depending on the time of day or their position in the hierarchy, such people can go from being a little lamb to a wolf.

Again… but better…

If you are the one who is disrespecting yourself…

Stop! Don’t feel bad—just take the time to plan what you want to change about yourself.

Whatever it is, I’m sure you can change it, and the sooner you start, the better. You have the courage to correct your “blunders” or mistakes, and what makes you great is your ability to correct them.

If the reason for the disrespect is the way someone else treats you and you tolerate it…

Follow these simple rules:

-Decide whether the person in your life who is hurting you deserves to continue receiving your affection, time, or attention. If it’s someone you can do without… what are you waiting for…

-If this person is very important to you, and you think they deserve another chance, explain yourself:

Tell them clearly what is hurting you and how it makes you feel, and specify how you want to be treated. Finally, explain what the consequences will be if they don’t change their behavior toward you.

When issuing this ultimatum, you should look the other person directly in the eye, and your words should be confident, but delivered in a tone and volume that aren’t accusatory. Remember that you also need to set an example of what you expect from the other person.

Finally, be consistent with what you’ve said and don’t keep repeating your criticism and threatening to leave if things don’t change, etc., because you’ll lose all credibility if you don’t follow through.

Do you know how to handle criticism well? Take it in stride and come out on top!

As human beings, we can make mistakes, and that means that sooner or later we’ll face harsh criticism, even from those who trust us the most.

The ability to handle criticism is very important and often makes a big difference between those who succeed and those who fail.

Sometimes, criticism can damage our self-esteem and make us afraid to take on new challenges for fear of being criticized again. However, if we’re able to listen to what others say about us—whether we like it or not—we’ll benefit more than we’ll be harmed.

This ability to accept criticism makes us more empathetic and more effective at resolving conflicts.

How to Improve Your Ability to Be Self-Critical:

-Don’t get defensive:

When we receive criticism, we’re tempted to defend ourselves. It’s natural: it’s the process by which we protect our pride and self-esteem.

But if someone points out that we’ve done something wrong, there’s probably some truth to what they’re saying, and perhaps we’re projecting an image that doesn’t match who we really are—or at the very least, we can clear up any confusion.

Our attitude should be to listen in order to improve; the worst thing we can do is lash out, throw things in the face of the person who has criticized us, or say “what about you?”—which accomplishes nothing constructive.

-Don’t project your insecurities onto criticism:

The more a criticism hurts us, the more likely it is that it has struck a nerve—a weakness that, even subconsciously, we know isn’t exactly our strong suit.

We must acknowledge our limitations in order to understand what others might hold against us, and we must also be mindful of the potential to strike a nerve when we criticize others.

-Don’t react right away:

One of the biggest problems with being criticized is that we might overreact, which will make the other person unwilling to help us ever again.

If we answer within ten seconds, our heart will answer; if we wait a day and answer calmly, it will be our mind that answers.

-Identify the source of the criticism:

Just as we unconsciously project our insecurities onto others when we talk about ourselves, others may project their own insecurities onto us.

If the criticism is unfounded, ask yourself: Who made the criticism? What was the tone of the criticism? …

Does he have any reason to be jealous of us? It could be a strategy—perhaps even an unconscious one—to make us fail, especially if he’s our competitor.

If the criticism isn’t valid, downplay it—or better yet, dismiss it; in this case, it’s better to ignore the person than to retaliate.

-Get rid of what’s harmful and keep what’s useful:

Even the harshest criticism from our worst enemies may have some truth to it. To spare our pride, let’s focus on the form rather than the content.

We must engage in self-criticism and assess whether we really need to change anything about our behavior. Ultimately, we must be our own best (and most rigorous) critics.

Rushing into a decision:

We all make decisions…and they all have consequences—sometimes positive, sometimes not. With that in mind, we’ll discuss four “pitfalls” that sometimes lead us to make poor decisions:

-Deep-seated beliefs:

If we start from preconceived beliefs, we’re likely to make the wrong decisions. Beliefs that amount to “self-sabotage” keep us from what might otherwise have been a good decision.

-Uncertainty:

Uncertainty causes anxiety because of the lack of control one feels.

This means that sometimes, just to get rid of those feelings, we rush into making whatever decision comes to mind. And it might not be the best one.

-Irrational fear:

When something scares us, we set logic aside, and fear makes the decision for us. The way to deal with the situation is to be able to calm ourselves down enough to analyze and weigh the risks, without forgetting the advantages of each option.

-Short-term bonus:

Living in the present moment is wonderful, but we must always keep in mind that the decisions we make now have medium- and long-term consequences.

Therefore, it doesn’t hurt to consider the possible consequences of our decisions.

Feelings of Guilt…

Guilt is a feeling that causes general unease; it serves to tell us that we have done something wrong or to point out something we should not have done.

When misused, it only leads to self-punishment and pain, but when used properly, it is a valuable emotion that helps you get to know yourself better, correct behaviors or mistakes, make positive changes in your life, and improve your relationships with others.

What to do:

-Consider it a warning sign: It provides us with information we can use to improve.

– Making amends: Find the best way to deal with your guilt. Apologize to that person, pay for any material damage you may have caused, invite them to lunch as a way to make it up to them, offer to do something for them… etc…

Guilt is a form of self-punishment that often leads us to seek solutions to make up for the harm we may have caused others, or to change our behaviors, habits, or lifestyles.

Switch your mind into “problem-solving” mode.

-Acceptance: Sometimes, it’s impossible to repair the damage that’s been done. Since no one is perfect, it’s normal for us to make mistakes sometimes, and as a result, we may lose something or someone important to us.

At this point, all we can do is accept it and learn from it so that it doesn’t happen again in the future.

Hating… is easier than loving

Hate is the hallmark of human predators (animals do not hate; they merely survive). Hate is a justification for human cruelty. It is the opposite of love, since it destroys it and opposes the existence of diversity.

But hatred also takes less dramatic forms. It does not always involve direct attacks, and aggression is not always evident. This is where hatred transforms into repressed anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Hating requires a great deal of resources, time, and bitterness; that is why sustained hatred makes the person who feels it sick.

No one can grow through hatred or come close to happiness, since obsessive aversion toward another living being robs us of the option to live together and places us on a battlefield of negativity and sadness.

The idea of “an eye for an eye” or revenge, although it seems to go against any natural law, occurs very frequently. It is not an adaptive defense against an attack but rather the constant feeding of a negative emotion.

Hate is not extinguished or exhausted by its use; rather, it deepens and reinforces itself over months… years… or centuries… hate is never sated…

We’re not saying that we have to like everything or that we have to like everyone—since, obviously, there are some very visceral aversions—but what we are talking about is the overwhelming urge to cause harm or to take pleasure in another person’s misfortune.

This kind of hatred does not fade with time… on the contrary, it tends to take root and become even more negative and harmful.

Is holding a grudge worth it?:

Resentment arises in the wake of pain; when we have felt hurt, it can serve as an excuse for revenge, which comes as a reward for so much suffering.

It really is unfair that this feeling of suffering lingers in the soul, keeping it there indefinitely.

Is it worth it to watch the person who made us suffer suffer in return?

Holding a grudge means holding onto pain. There’s no reason for us to waste our precious time on resentment.

Break free from him:

-Understand the problem: analyze it. What exactly is it that keeps you holding a grudge?

-Let your feelings out: Share them and talk about the hurt with others or with the person who caused it.

It’s always nice to open the window to refresh your soul a little …

-Empathy: Try to put yourself in the shoes of the person who hurt you. Not to justify their actions, but to understand them.

-Acceptance: It doesn’t matter whether the person who hurt us remembers what they did or, on the contrary, lives with the burden of remorse.

What matters is what is within our control—which is how we feel.

Whether they apologize or not, one must move on, and that decision should not be influenced by what the other person does in this regard…

– Focus on the positive and don’t dwell on the pain: You can always find something positive, even in the hardest experiences.

As a learning experience, it can be beneficial in helping us better understand other situations in the future.

Once you decide to move on, let the wound heal and learn to change the subject.

Resentment robs us of moments of happiness and causes us anxiety.

– Let go of your resentment.

Stop thinking about the pain, so that the resentment will gradually fade away; after all, the longer we hold onto it, the harder it will be to forgive.

Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Forgiving means stopping thinking about the harm that was done to us.

We all have something to forgive and something for which we need to be forgiven.