Infidelity is natural, isn’t it?

Love opens the gates of heaven, but also those of the deepest dungeons. Discovering infidelity is a mortal wound, a hurt that is rarely forgotten; it’s an emotional tsunami. The self-esteem of the “betrayed” partner plummets, and anger—and even hatred—take hold, while mistrust and insecurity set in.

Why Do We Cheat?
There are hundreds of sociological and anthropological studies that reach different conclusions, such as childhood difficulties, stress, emotional imbalances, etc.
There are also several theories from a biological perspective that explain why people seek out other partners without this necessarily indicating problems or a lack of commitment

-For men, it’s the struggle of genes to propagate; for women, it’s about having the strongest and most enduring genes:
This fact essentially means that men and women have this primal survival instinct burned into their genetics. Today, we all want a more authentic life than our parents had; relationships last as long as there is passion, and if not, it takes a great deal of commitment to keep them together, so in these times of crisis, more and more young couples are gravitating toward emotional minimalism in all its forms—as an escape from obligations that might weigh down their freedom or simply cause them distress.
At the same time, we also want emotional stability with a serious partner and to build a future that includes a family, a mortgage, and so on. Fortunately, these are the paradoxes of modern times, where we all want an ideal love life without having to give anything up.
Day by day, the reality of couples makes it increasingly clear that “not” all of them are prepared for long-term monogamy. Today, birth control frees men and women from sexual repression, so the meaning of infidelity is changing, as there is no longer any need for evidence of it to exist.
What may seem hypocritical from an emotional standpoint has been the major problem throughout civilized history, since religions and the desire to maintain orderly family relationships—and above all, children (who are desired and loved but who, until recently, were viewed as an expense that had to yield a return within a certain time frame)— have, over the centuries, distorted the natural behavior of both men and women.

According to statistics, when we fall in love, we go through a period—about three years—during which we’re completely focused on our partner; it’s unlikely that we’ll notice someone else or even consider being unfaithful.
After those three years, things change… the passion gives way to calm… and our perspective broadens. But there are other phases—we might call them key milestones—in a relationship: at seven years, at twelve… living together is complicated but also wonderful.

THE TEMPTATION ARISES
Feeling attracted to other people doesn’t mean we love our partner any less, nor is it a sign of a crisis. There’s the classic “flirting” that men and women sometimes engage in without any real intention of being unfaithful, but rather as a way to provoke their partner… you know, a little “wake up, honey.”
But if a situation arises where the attraction is irresistible, we have to weigh the risks of letting ourselves be swept away by excitement, curiosity, or whatever it is that draws us to that other person. It doesn’t have to mean breaking up with your partner, as long as you’re honest and don’t play games with lies or half-truths—because taking advantage of someone who has romantic feelings for you is unwise and, above all, cruel, not only toward your partner but also toward your new conquest.

AND WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE?
The latest trend is for couples to live in an “open” and consensual relationship, which also creates quite a few difficulties for them, since agreeing on or discussing the other person’s infidelity isn’t easy without fears or jealousy arising. Perhaps they are the vanguard of the future, but certainly, as things stand today, few couples in open relationships manage to stay together long-term; they usually end up as close friends, but passion takes over, tramples on, and shatters all agreements.

Recurring situations that lead to infidelity:
Now is the time to work on the relationship: – Start thinking of your partner again as a mystery to unravel, to understand what they want or what bothers them; people evolve, and what used to amuse us may, over time, begin to annoy us. – Combat a lack of intimacy and monotony by putting a lot of ourselves into continuing to create excitement, surprise, and understanding. – Sexual dissatisfaction, whether due to quantity (too much or too little sex) or quality (boring or rough sex).

Does infidelity have any advantages?
Through infidelity, people unconsciously seek a balance that allows them to stay in a relationship where mutual understanding—a couple’s Achilles’ heel—is beginning to falter. It’s surprising how many instances of infidelity seem like acts of revenge and mask unmet needs or disappointments—and, as paradoxical as it may seem, they keep many couples together.
It’s true that many men and women haven’t broken up because they compartmentalize their lives and find outside the relationship what they’re missing at home. But there are also many cases in which, once the infidelity has passed, they’ve come to appreciate their relationship more, and the comparison has made them aware of the virtues they had forgotten or stopped appreciating in their partner.

CONCLUSION
We may agree more or less with everything that has been written, but what is certain is that monogamy becomes more common once we reach an age when our hormones and our world have settled down, and stability or comfort generally enter the lives of most human beings. Fidelity is no longer a matter of values, respect, or commitment, but rather a personal decision.
It’s clear to us that we all want to feel desired and happy, but it’s difficult for this ideal situation to last without a great deal of mutual love, intelligence, generosity, and—above all—complicity, which can only arise if couples cultivate a mutual interest in understanding and, at the same time, communicating how they feel about the routine and events in their lives.
Such natural feelings are often replaced by indifference, jealousy, or selfishness, and only when infidelity arises—or the possibility of it arising—do couples go from anger to fear… on the negative side, the fear of revenge, and on the positive side, the desire to reset their entire concept or routine as a couple.